Interpersonal relationships

Envy

Bullies are insecure individuals who ‘feed off’ others. They are often motivated by envy. Envy involves identifying with the ‘goodness’ of others and stealing it (on subconscious/unconscious levels).

Shame

Bullying may be triggered by the fear of failure and potential for shame. ‘Shame is the fear that others will see our unworthiness. It is the inner experience of wanting to hide, the feeling of falling and the ground opening up and swallowing us’ (see definitions).

Projection

Bullies are individuals who find holding on to, and working through, their anxieties particularly difficult. They get rid of their anxieties by projecting them on to others. Often a bully finds change and/or ‘difference’ (e.g. a new employee with a different accent, different way of working etc) threatening and seeks to control the situation by testing the boundaries of colleagues to find a suitable 'container' for his/her anxieties.    

If you are victim you may become aware that the accusations that are being made about you are actually personal issues that the bully cannot deal with for him/ herself. You are receiving projections of the toxic waste from the bully’s mind.  Remember this is his/her stuff, not yours. Set clear boundaries for yourself.